Live is unpredictable

Hi, I AM HAPPY AGAIN, yeaaahh...

you never know how the universe give you some surprise in a same time...
yesterday I told you about my happiest day in this month and alhamdulillah today I did it again...
I wake up lately, and I enjoy it...
and at 10 AM when I am still on a way to wake up, you know is just like you already woke up but you still make a lazy movement on a bed with a half open eyes, my father told me that he will go, all my families went to my uncle's home to make a kind of ceremony to remember my 1000's days since my auntie die...

but  I didn't come, because I already have an appointment with my besties to do a little reunion, so I prepare and go to the MARI, the mall we have make a deal to meet, and I came faster than them so I'm going to bookstore, and Oh My... it's addict me...
I obviously can't hold it...
so, there are some books that I bought....

left to right :
- I didnt lose my heart, I sold it on ebay
- Tuhan, Inilah Proposal Hiduku
- Around the world in 80 dinners
- Balada Ching-Ching

and after waiting for almost one hour... finally they came, there are cheng-cheng, depph, athii, and padlii

so, we are going to XXI to watch TRON ( I already watch it last nite with dad and Indra, but there no more good choice except Narnia which is I have been see it too ), and after watched TRON, depph went to home because she already have another appointment, and because we are so starving, we decided to go to Pizza Hut and have a late lunch there with delight menu of course, wkwkw

 cheng-cheng with me

and the most that I love today is... tadaaa.....

padlii who just came from Hajj bring me a 'gift' - a new iphone charger - finally after a long negotiation it belong to me, wkwkw honestly it's not a free gift, I just ask him to bought it for me, and I will pay for it, but after a long long negotiation... it's mine now for free... thanks a lot brother.....

cheng-cheng, me, athii
( I'm the shortest there, wkwk )

and after eat, padlii went to home and me with athii and cheng are going to Gramedia ( again for me ) and my addicted to stationary is increase... finally I took these stuff...

it's a very cute note..

look at the contents...

I have been obsessed to France, so I will collect all the things about it...

the most I love from my new stuff is my new charger... finally after waiting for some months...

my iphone is going back to the world... after a long hibernation, wkwkw

my iphone with its new charger - good bye the old broken one, I place you in a safety box -
welcome my new pretty charger - I will take care of you -

 here are my new book collections...

and one more surprise, someone from my past just comeback and add me on facebook again ( I'll tell you later the story ) and after a long consideration... I approve him.... :D

Dear, God...

I know You area the Great Creator, You always gave us a lot of surprise and make this universe shock us with the unpredictable life, that's way I love to life, so please make my life and all people in my life to feel it longer, longer and longer.... thanks God... I love You...

anyway, today - December 26th - is cheng-cheng birthday... happy became older my dear... may Allah always bless you and give you the best... amiin....

Happy

Friday, 24th Desember...
one day before x-mas day, happy x- mas for anyone who celebrate it...
anyway I'm a moslem... :D

it was my happiest day in this few weeks, after all the hard things happen, after all the problem starting to annoyed, after all the exam on process to be done... Yeah... it was really really my happiest day in this month...

okay, I have been cancel to join in Toraja Trip, I really wanna it because I never been there before, but I have a lot of job that must be done before end of year, there are a lof of wedding invitation lay out that I have to make, some banners, and many more... yeah... I work overtime this week...

but hey... it's worth it... I got some payment extra, hihihi...

I work from morning till noon around 2 PM, and alhamdulillah it's working good... and then I'm going to do some healing treatment for my self, or maybe for mostly woman did, I'm going to shop, hihihi....

here is some things that I bought...

it's my big choco... yeah... it's brown anyway, not black...

here is... my little brown velvet...

and my most cute, mappie bag...

anyway, that mappie bag... I didn't buy it today, it was from online shop a couple days ago... I really love it, it just like a entire world is mine now... amiin >.<

and the most thing that I love in this lucky bless friday is my WONDERSHOE... finally I got it... actually it's already arrived since some days ago, but the postman couldn't find my adress, so I decided to take it from JNE office tonight, and the most stupid things when I try to find JNE's office, I hold a wrong 'pete-pete'-a kind of public transportation- and finally I have to go far away from my destiny, and the silly one is I even didn't know where is exactly the office, so I just looking around while the 'pete-pete' taking me, and I miss it, I go really far and desperate then decided to go back, after some minutes in going back, I see that office, it's really near from the spot that I switch the 'pete-pete', wkwkw 

the box is so sick... it has been some days... huhuhu

velvet greeeyy... I love velvet and I love grey...

look my funny face with my sweet flat

here is my ballet flat... it's 50.000 IDR-bought in MTC

I love the silver ornament one... and it's a brownie sparkling too...

that shoes I didn't bought it today, it just 2 or 3 days ago... but I just wanna show it off, hehehe

and after took my wondershoe, I'm going home, and my father asked me to movie tonight, TRON LEGACY... with my brother... yeaah....

so, we took the last show at 9.20 PM, and before that we're going to dinner, a hurry dinner actually, because we arrive in mall around 9 and directly bought a ticket and going to a resto and order the fastest menu there, and it was a meatball... 

10 minutes passed, and it's 9.10 when our order came, so we eat so fast, and ran to the theatre to catch the movie, and thanks God we didn't miss it...

and it's a late night when we go home but before that we go to minimarket first to bought some snack and drinks...

and here I am with a lovely ULTRA MILK... 

I LOVE ULTRA MILK

see... when somebody told you that everything will be beautiful at the time... yeah... you should believe it...

thanks God for bring my the happiness today....

thanks God coz give me a continuos smile...

and I hope it'll take a longer, longer than ever...

thanks for make me happy today...

Love You, God...

sometimes we need to lie

I am a liar...

not once, but in many times, many conditions, many ways...

ya... I am a big liar, who doesn't? We all a liar, you, your family, your love, your besties, your enemy, all people in the world is a liar...

sometimes we lie to protect our self, or to hide something, or maybe to protect someone we love, or something we like... we are lying in difference reason, and even we know that's wrong, but we have no choice.... no no no... we have no choice... ya, we always have a choice, we can choose to be honest, no matter the result, but sometimes we too scared to admit it, we scare we'll get anger, we scare we'll loose what we like or love, ya... we, people-human being, are too scare, either the effect to ourself or to somebody else or something else... that's why we lie..

and today, I did it..

I am lying...

I am a big liar...

it was began yesterday, when I have a job to make a wedding invitation which is the date is Januari 8th 2011, but I wrote it 2010... what a damn stupid mistake...

and finally when the operator finished to print it, 1000 invitations, we just recognize, it's a big FALSE... 

so, we make a deal, between me and that operator, it was our secret, then we make a plan... 

we will order new papers, that he will print it in outside, in his old office, than after that, we will switch the wrong one with the new one... 

but you know, lying is never easy to do, trust me...

anyway, the only reason why I choose to hide it from the big boss is I just too scare to get his anger anymore... I'm just too tired to feel that in many times, to feel that pressure, so do the operator...

ya... we just too scare...

and in this sunday, I came to printing office, but unlucky, there is the big boss that I thought before he won't be here... he is repairing something and his car with some man, so quietly I do my plan...

I take that old invitation, and packing it, in silent way of course, and let me told you, It's never easy... then after packing it, damn, he gap me, and ask me what I did? spontaneously, I said I'm packing my friends books to send to her city, and thanks God he looks believe it...

and after all the things already prepared, I text that operator, and ask him to prepare to meet me in the park near that, but damn, one more unlucky, I heard the big boss will eat in front of that park, ggrhh..... trust me this is the God's way to stop me to lie... 

as faster as I can, I call the operator and told him to move to the bridge that a little bit far than the park from office and it's located in opposite side of the park... 

so, when the big boss go to lunch, I am running to get out, but Oh My... the paper was so heavy.. of course, it's 2000 sheet with the envelopes, but I got the lucky things, when I go out I saw the operator with his friend by motorcycle and suddenly ask him to stop and pick up the papers...

and I'm done... Now, it's his turn to do this plan...

I said to the big boss I'll be back after send my friends stuff, but it's too fast, so I'm going to warteg - it's a kind of place that you can eat, some traditional food in street side -

I am eating slowly then go back to office, and around 4 PM, the operator text me that his job already done...

now our task is how to bring the new one on monday tomorrow before the big boss see it...

let me think it later...

now I just wanna enjoy my sunday...

happy sunday all...

sometimes we have to lie,

but be honest is the best...

project #1

yesterday when I got a trap in a big trouble damn sucks traffic jam, actually it's not a traffic jam, it was a result of some stupid who called their self as a college student but their behavior worse than a uneducated person... they said they was celebrate anti-corruption day, but OMG, what they did just make a huge trouble, a very very huge trouble...

make a jam for almost 10 hours, throw a lot of stones, and many things more that were so stupid...

there are some pics that will show you how terrible yesterday...

and some comments here...

okay... skip that, I don't wanna talk a lot about that's damn day that made me have to change public transportation 3 times, then got a trap in jam for 3 hours, and finally I walk from that venue to my home around 1 hours, and it was rainy day, I used a skirt and bring a lot of books and the worse is my sweet shoes that I bought in Vietnam full with mud... ggrrhh... *evil horn*

look look...

actually it was a cheap shoes, I bought in Ben Thanh Market in Saigon, but to go there I've work extra and collect a lot of money... huwaa.... T_T

and it's broken now... *wishing someday I can back to there and buy shoes again*

okay... let's forget it...

anyway, when that demo happened, it was rain and I sat in a public transportation watching people who stand in many spot, in many place, protecting theirselves  from rain or protecting who they love by jacket, umbrella, or even a leaves... *is that sounds romantic? in the middle of little war - between student and police - they still try to protect their special one* oouuhhh... touching me...

it was general, not only for a couple but a mother to her kids, a husband to his wife and a stranger to another one...

and by that moment suddenly I got an idea...

I have been missing so badly to make a movie, since my first movie "Di Antara Kita" - my 1st movie as a director that I made when in high school with my friends - and now I really really wanna make a new one... and taaadaa.... 

I'll starting a new movie project

and it's a documenter one... and I hope it just not a spirit at the first, you know sometimes I just got the full spirit at the first and day by day I will lose it and leave it, hehehe but I hope no for this one..

so, guys... wish me luck to starting my new project, my indie project...

anyway, I won't tell you what movie it is, I'll keep it until I'm ready to post it... :D

okay... I'll tell you a little bit...

it's about life, learn, and -of course- love...

so... wish me luck with my project... ^_^

and action... 

I drop down my tears doesn't mean I'm not strong enough...

I just became so mellow in this few weeks...
day by day, even just for something unimportant, I wanna cry...
and almost all the night, what I do is just crying...
maybe there are a lot of stock of tears in my eyes that I never drop down since a couple of months, and finally my eyes can't hold it anymore and finally... it's became a tears rain... T_T

karena hidup itu lucu...

diberondong masalah bertubi-tubi dengan oknum yang sama, membuatku menjadi begitu terpuruk minggu-minggu ini...
ya... I've a bunch trouble with my dad, the only man who I really really love in this world...

dan setelah insiden kabur dari rumah (mungkin tepatnya didepak dari rumah), menyendiri, menjalani hidup normal selama 3 hari, kembali ke rumah, menjalani kehidupan tidak normal kembali -yang dipaksakan untuk menjadi normal-, kerja siang malam, kembali membolos kuliah demi kerjaan, dimarahin-seperti biasa-karena ngga ada kerjaan, dan akhirnya kembali terjadi masalah dengan orang yang sama, my only one beloved dad...

mungkin kita terlampau lelah dengan kehidupan,

sampai tak lagi tersisa ruang di hati untuk mengistirahatkan diri,

mungkin kita terlampau lelah dengan kehidupan

sampai tak lagi tersisa sedikit waktu untuk duduk bersama dan bercerita, layaknya anak dan ayah

mungkin kita terlampau lelah dengan kehidupan,

sampai tak lagi tersisa pengertian satu sama lain,

bukankah telah kukatakan pada dunia,
aku mencintaimu, bapak...
teramat sangat..
dan mungkin kau pun demikian,
hanya saja cara yang kita tempuh berbeda,

dua hari terakhir ini memang sangat melelahkan
untukku dan mungkin untukmu...
hingga akhirnya terjadi deja vu
hanya saja kali ini kau tak lagi menyuruhku untuk meninggalkanmu
dan aku pun tetap bertahan disini, meski kutahu, jauh di dalam hatiku, ada sebersit luka yang kembali terbuka,

hari ini, magrib ini, semua tumpah...
aku menangis, bukan...
aku terisak, tidak dalam diam seperti kemarin,
aku sesenggukan,
kupikir dengan mengeluarkan apa yang selama ini tertampung di pelupuk ku, akan membuatku baik-baik saja,
meski proses untuk itu pun terasa amat menyesakkan dada,
sakit, sakit sekali...
seakan ada ruang kosong tempat hati bertengger namun dipaksa untuk terlepas...
sesak, sesak sekali...
seakan ada yang menghantamku begitu keras, tak terlihat namun membawa perih...

sampai akhirnya sebuah percakapan dimulai,
bukan antara kau dan aku,
tapi antara aku dan seorang teman,
aku berbagi, untuk pertama kalinya dalam hidupku, kuceritakan sebanyak mungkin hal yang seharusnya sedari dulu kukeluarkan,
aku bukanlah tipe orang yang senang membagi kisah, bagiku cukup menyimpannya sendiri, toh ini masalahku,
tapi hari ini, magrib ini,
tempat penyimpananku ternyata sudah penuh, maka kuputuskan untuk sedikit berbagi, berbagi kisah yang selama ini kusimpan... sendiri...

memang masalahku tak terselesaikan...
memang tak ada solusi yang kutemukan...
tapi ada sedikit rasa lega...
dan sedikit kesadaran...
kesadaran untuk menertawakan hidup yang begitu lucu...

temanku berkata ...
"lucu emang ya, terkadang orang yang kita sayangi, malah menyakiti kita begitu parahnya"

ini beberapa kutipan percakapan antara kita :

Temen ( A ) : gimana sekarang?
Saya ( S ) : mau gimana lagi
A : udah baikan?
S  : seperti biasa, tapi udahlah, mau diapain lagi, udah kayak gini
A : jiyahahaha
S  : pintar-pintarnya saya sajalah menabahkan hati
A : hajar bleh
S  : biar juga mau dibicarain baek-baek, tetep aja dimata dia salah, bikin capek sendiri
A : cara ngomongnya udah bener blom?
S  : he said better without me
A : he said that, but he didnt mean that
S  : ntahlah, karena setiap kali marah, selalu yang dia bilang "jauh lebih bagus dulu, waktu kamu tidak    ada, kamu cuman bikin stress saya disini"
A : karena cuman itu yang bisa dia bilang, supaya kamu diam dan mulai berpikir, padahal caranya salah
S  : saya capeeek... sometimes I just wanna feel normal, 
A : istirahat saja, luangkan waktu untuk dirimu sendiri, capek itu wajar
S  : bukan jadi anak 18 tahun yang hari minggu nya tetap kerja ampe malam, mana kuliahku juga gak beres, tapi tetep aja yang disalahin saya...
A : iya juga sih *kadang kehilangan tiwi... tetesan hujan dari langit pun, diperlukan sebatang bunga untuk tumbuh, kuatkan akarmu 
S  : capek banget... saya capeek... seperti ada yang salah, kosong, dan saya ngga tau apa, di saat semua temanku sibuk masalah kuliah, saya malah mesti ngurus kerjaan, memang sih kadang bangga juga, but I just feel so weird, terlebih kalau sudah dimarahin, disalahin, meski kadang yang salah dia, mau ngebela diri malah dianggap kurang ajar, *exhale... capek jadi anak pertama...
A  : itulah resiko orang "BEDA", ada yang hilang, *sama seperti saya dulu cuma sibuk dengan gambarku dan jadi anti sosial
S   : *sensor, too deep to talk*
A  : iya juga sih, tapi siapa yang bantu beliau kalau bukan kamu, wi? janganlah kamu lakukan untuk dia, untuk ibu sama adik-adikmu sajalah
S   : beban banget jadi anak pertama, kadang rasanya pengen nyerah aja, tinggalin beliau, tinggalin semuanya...
A  : saya juga anak pertama loh...
S   : toh dia lebih baik tanpa saya...
A  : tapi Tuhan pasti punya alasan, bohong kalau dia lebih baik tanpa kamu...
S   : malah saya masih ingat, kalau buat beliau, saya cuman bawa sial...
A  : dia tanpa kau = pincang, dia bakal sial tanpa kau...
S   : dia bakalan baik-baik saja pastinya, toh saya ngga ada gunanya buat dia, cuman ngebuat stress katanya...
A  : darimana kamu tau...
S   : saya capeek, capek berpura-pura...
A  : jangan sampai kau benci dia, wi...
S   : ngga, saya ngga benci sama sekali... saya justru sayang sekali ma beliau, saya cuman kelelahan, dengan beban yang mungkin belum seharusnya dipikul ma anak umur 18 tahun, capeek... I'm tired pretending that I'm okay, but the fact is I'm NOT...
A  : iya juga sih....
S   : kadang saya juga mikir sih, mungkin dia marah-marah sekarang, tapi toh nanti udah ngga ada yang bakalan marah lagi ke saya, ngga ada lagi yang bisa beliau marahin...
saya ngga pernah nyalahin beliau, tapi ngga tau kenapa, saya cuman ngerasa lelah, lelah dengan semuanya...
A   : ya udah, coba aja hidup sewajarnya, seperti yang kamu mau..
S    : ngga bisa...
A   : terlepas dari tidaknya masalah ini, apa alasannya ngga bisa?
S    : karena mau ngga mau, memang cuman saya yang beliau bisa andalkan buat ngurus percetakan, tapi saya cuman ngga tahan, cercaannya, timpahan kesalahan yang seharusnya bukan salahku, dan miss communication yang selalu terjadi, bahasa... itu masalahnya... apa yang dia maksud selalu berbeda dengan apa yang kumaksud... dan selalu saya yang disalahkan...
saya sayang sama dia kak, sayang sekali...
saya juga nangis waktu ninggalin beliau...
saya juga terharu kalau mikir berapa banyak bebannya...
tapi saya cuman mau sedikit saja pengertiannya, pengertian kalau saya masih 18 tahun...
A   : sudah bilang mau dimengerti?
S    : dia beda, kalau saya ngomong gitu, beliau nangkapnya saya udah ngga mau bantu dia lagi...
A   : waduh, kok gitu?
S    : dia emang susah diajak bicara kak, beliau sekali marah akan marah besar, sekali baik, akan baiik bangeet... makanya kadang saya juga bingung, meski dia tau dia salah, dia akan tetep nyari celah untuk ngga disalahin, kecuali memang tiba-tiba dia berbesar hati buat ngakuin salahnya...
A   : berat juga ya... ngga ada yang bisa ngomong ma beliau?
S    : susah, ngga ada yang berani... makanya tadi kubilang... mencoba nyabarin hati saja... sampe dia sadar sendiri...
A   : tapi yang tersiksa kan kamu...
S    : mau diapain lagi... toh memang selalu ada yang dikorbankan untuk mereka yang kita sayangi, meski sakit, tapi itulah hidup...
A   : saluut...
S    : kita saling ngedoain aja lah, semoga bisa menjalani hidup ini... :D
A   : kita hidup juga bentar kok, wi... 18 tahun mu udah ngga terasa kan?
S    : iya sih, jalanin ajalah... toh pada akhirnya, marah-marahnya beliau juga yang mungkin bakalan kurindu...
A   : jiyahahaha....
S    : cuman ya itu... sometimes I feel so drop.. tapi ya sudahlah... toh hidup emang kayak gini...
A   : betul banget, toh nanti juga bakalan terbiasa...
S    : yang semangat juga ya...
A   : semangat kenapa?
S    : semangat buat semuanya, buat hidup yang kadang menjengkelkan...
A   : ngga papa kok... hari buruk memberi pelajaran... lucu ya emang, terkadang orang yang kita sayangi malah menyakiti kita begitu parahnya...
S    : iya... tapi tetep ngga ngurangin rasa sayang kita ma dia... kadang malah kasihan...
A   : yap..

----conversation end----


as long as that chat, what I did is just crying with a loud voice, no one can hear me because only me here...

and finally, I already decided to make a friendship with this condition...
ngga peduli seberapa marah beliau, seberapa benci beliau, seberapa banyak cercaan yang bakalan beliau lontarin, udah ngga akan kupeduliin lagi..
because I know, in his deep heart, I know he did it for my best...

mungkin sekarang saya masih ngedumel dan segala macamnya, tapi kelak suatau hari nanti, saya saya pun berada di posisi sebagai seorang orangtua, I know I'll know what he feel exactly, and I'm sure I will say thanks a lot to all the things he gave me and he teach me, and I hope until that time come, it never too late to say thanks to him and my mother... I hope they will beside me when I'm learn how to be a good mother later...

Dad... I love you...
Mari kita menjalani hidup ini, meski kadang lelah, penat dan putus asa datang menghampiri,
we know we can face it, together...

Love You A Lot, Dad...

Makasih buat percakapan luar biasa bareng salah satu teman terbaik yang saya punya...

bapak...

bapak...
aku sayang, sayang sekali padamu...
teramat sayang...
kau tahu bagaimana pedihnya diriku ketika jauh darimu...
aku menangis, pak..
menangis ketika mereka semua terlelap dalam damai...
aku menangis dalam diamku, bapak...
dan kau tau... itu jauh lebih menyakitkan dibandingkan meraung...
pedih, melebihi irisan apapun...

bapak...
aku mencintaimu,
teramat sangat...
kau tahu betapa bangganya aku memiliki mu di hidupku?
aku bahagia mengenalkanmu pada teman-temanku
aku senang mereka tidak punya sosok sehebat dirimu...
aku... aku terlampau bersuka cita ada kau dalam hidupku...

tapi, bapak...
aku cuman titipan-Nya...
aku bukan hak milikmu sepenuhnya...
aku hanya titipan yang diberi gelar anak...
pernahkah kau menyadari itu, wahai bapakku?

bapak...
kini aku beranjak 19 tahun...
makin waktu beranjak, maka aku kan semakin jauh darimu...
pernahkah kau berpikir tentang itu, bapak?

Mereka bilang kita terlalu kompak, pak..
kita anak bapak yang kompak...
Benarkah?
Kurasa itu hanya pandangan mereka...
Ya... kita punya banyak kesamaan...
Terlampau banyak justru...
Hingga kau dan aku lupa...
kalau perbedaan masih butuh tempat di antara kita...

Kini ia menggerogotiku, menggerogotimu, bapak...
Kita berbeda...
Sangat amat berbeda, bapak...

bapak..
maukah kau sejenak berhenti dari rutinitasmu,
duduk manis, merenungi perbedaan ini...
aku hanya titipan, pak...
dan sudah sepantasnyalah sebuah titipan
tak kau paksakan untuk menjadi milikmu sepenuhnya...

bapak...
maukah kau sedikit saja memberi ruang di hatimu,
memberitahunya bahwa akan ada tamu besar yang datang,
tamu yang kita sebut perbedaan...
maukah kau dengan ikhlas menerimanya, pak?
bapak... kita memang tak pernah sama...

bapak...
maafkan, jika ku terlampau lancang...
ini bukanlah perihal siapa yang terlahir lebih dulu...
ini hanyalah tuntutan...
tuntutan untuk ikhlas menerima,
menerima apa itu perbedaan...

bapak...
maukah kau sedikit saja melunakkan hatimu,
agar perbedaan dapat bertengger dengan nyaman di sana...
bapak... kita memang tak pernah sama, tak akan pernah...

bapak...
maaf jikalau aku tak pernah menjadi realita dari anganmu...
maaf jikalau aku tak pernah menjadi obat dari lukamu...
maaf jikalau aku tak menjadi penghibur dari dukamu...
maaf jikalau aku tak menjadi sama sepertimu...

bapak... maafkan karena kita berbeda...